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Sunday, July 2, 2017

When the skies burst open

When the skies burst open, 
I heaved a sigh of relief.
My heart calmed down
As if rains 
are going to wash away my problems.
And leave my life bright and clean.

I put my hands out in the rain.
And wonder how a year has passed.
Rains are great time tellers.
My mind projects my life
In fast forward
And I smile.

It has stopped raining now.
But the clouds rumble in the distance,
Reminding us that they are still here.
waiting to crash into each other,
To create a lightning sword,
That Zeus would be proud of.
And a thunder that silences us mortals.

As I lie on my bed,
Soothed by the cold breeze wafting in,
Ignoring all my worries,
At this moment,
I am at peace.

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

The shower at the end of the day

The shower has become my lover

After a bad day,
It invites me in it's arms,
The water caressing my back
I stand there head bowed down.

It does well,
to hide the tears coming from my eyes,
Like rain.
It cools my head,
Takes the weight off my neck,
So I have the strength to look up.

Hoping to see my lover's kind eyes,
That face which reflects my pain in it,
Those arms which make me feel safe again,
That kiss which pours it's love in me.

But I'm greeted by water.

Which isn't foreign either.
Because in Water I was born,
Of Water, I'm alive
is me.

Sunday, February 26, 2017

The bitter truth

Someone please clear the air.
Take away this cloud of mist,
Render my senses bare.
Tell me for once.
Are we different?
Or are we the same?

If bodily we have contrasts,
Weren’t we the same at a time as fetuses?
A mild tweak gave you a penis
And me the lower sex.
Gave your parents joy,
And mine permanent worry lines.

Worry to make me an all-rounder;
a star in school, sports and house.
So that nobody raises a finger.
Worry to keep me safe.
Giving me the freedom to live my life,
“But be back before 10 pm”.
Worry if I become too liberal,
and not attract a suitor.
If I refuse to bog down,
If I rebel.

Is it a difference in strength?
How can it be?
If at home, girls have to sit and stay,
While boys their age get to play.
A Billion dollar beauty industry targets me.
Yet you step outside easily,
Your face devoid of any cream.

It takes a toll,
Being constantly on guard.
Getting goosebumps,and startled easily.
Screaming in sleep,
Every other week.
Coz now I’m trapped
And my scream saves me,
From a hand being forced on me.

All this,
Just because of a Vagina?

As much as I’m a feminist,
And love being an Eve, 
If given a do-over
I’ll take the way out.

I’d rather not be born.

Tuesday, January 10, 2017

Endless rush

In this rush of life,
Haven't you forgotten who you are?
Do you realise that your baths long just 5 minutes?
Your body doesn't get tenderly cared for,
But rubbed and scalded in the rush
The rush to catch train to work
Getting in a moving bus
Rushing through the day
Opening your dabba to the same old chapati-bhaaji
And rushing back home
I realised today that hugging yourself
Is stress relieving yet also saddening
What have I come to?
My happiness depends upon catching that empty train
And reaching home on time.
But then even home isn't rewarding
Weekends are spent lazing at home
Weekdays are spent looking forward to weekends
What am I searching for?
Without realising I've become my Hamster
Running in the wheel and reaching nowhere

Thursday, July 7, 2016

The long journey to you

Over 12 hours of road travel,
to come to you,
Because you fell sick suddenly,
and nobody knew.

Just the day before, I had spoken to you.
Making those fake promises to come meet you.
Which I always extended.
Studies, college, no time
And I really didn't get time to say goodbye.

48 hours since I got the news,
I kept praying to keep you alive.
In that journey to you, I kept praying too. 
Not once did it cross that you'd be gone. 
Repeated phone calls to get there sooner didn't tick me off too.

12 hours of road travel; of heat, nausea, dizziness, exhaustion.
When we entered the familiar territory, 
Somehow goosebumps started showing on my skin, 
I saw my mum silently weeping, 
I saw my sister staring blankly ahead.
And I lost all emotions.

We reached. 
I got off and ran barefoot
I saw my youngest uncle.
Suddenly so old, he hugged me very hard and let go.
I ran and met my other uncle,
who with a sad smile, let me go ahead. 
The whole gaon had converged to our house. 
I searched for my father's face for comfort 
And got only pitiful stares from strangers.

I stepped in,
And saw you on the floor.
The earth stopped rotating,
the force made me crash on the floor.

Strapped with flowers, cold since 12 hours.
I didn't receive my warm hug that day from you. 
You didn't even wait for me to say bye.
I didn't even cry as I kissed you goodbye.
Our last conversation will be the one where I lied to come see you soon. 

Little did I know you'd be gone forever.
Little did I know I'll be crying ever after.

Sunday, April 10, 2016

Letter from a daughter

Note: This post was written around 2 years ago and was lying in Drafts.

Dear Papa,
     Awhile back I saw this video on Youtube (Dad..How are you? - Father's Day Special). It was released around Father's day. (I didn't wish you because you weren't in a happy mood that day and you must not even know that such a day exists.) So on YouTube there are various channels like those on tv and they post videos. There's this one channel called 'Emotional fulls'. Their videos are emotional just like their name suggests and their videos always make me cry. They are very touching.
     The video I specified earlier has different people talk about their Dads - how strict they were, and how the kids in their childhood would be scared of their Dads . There's this one thing of this particular video that struck me the most. A guy in the video confessed how his father asked for the directions to a nearby park from his son's house 5 times. The father yet did not go to the park for the fear of getting lost. Another said how his father couldn't book an online ticket and asked his son to do it for him.
     It was a normal day sometime last year. All four of us were at home. I was busy on my phone. You had turned on the laptop. After awhile you called me and asked me how to use the net. I froze. In my head a million things from "you taught me how to use a computer" "last year you helped me in using excel" to "old age" "Alzheimer's" whizzed by. I recovered and incredibly slow told you to how to open the browser and type in whatever you want on the google homepage.
     Such instances are recurring a lot these days. You forgetting your mobile or keys when you step out of the house. Stuff like "maazhya phone var net chalu karun de", "how to put phone to silent" "type this msg for me" is getting frequent than ever. And I am not being a  patient kid. I have shouted at you to "do it yourself", "just call the helpline they'll help you through the activation process", "later!".
     I am sorry Papa. I am very sorry. I hate myself for being like this. But I have a good reason for my rude behavior.
     This is not how it is supposed to be. You are my Papa who knows everything! When I started college, and still whenever I have to visit a new part of town, you tell me which bus to take. It scares me that you are asking me for help! Its just not right! You are my strong Dad! You solve my problems. But now I see this fear in your eyes which I stubbornly don't want to accept and understand. In a kid's eyes nothing bad can happen because his parents will see to it that he's safe. But this fear breaks away that bubble and now the world is a very scary place Papa. And on top of that you are getting old which is making me realize that I have to take up responsibilities now and take care of you and Mum.
     Suddenly I don't want to grow up. I just want to be a small child and go back to school where my worry was just the homework.
     But that's not going to happen is it?
     I don't know how you did it Papa. Took care of all of us. Faced the world and not let any bad thing affect us. I lived in a cocoon because I was well protected by you.
But now I am going to take care of you. I don't think I can ever match your cool and your patience. But I will start helping you out and teach you stuff like you taught me. Even if I have to tell you for the nth time that you access internet from the 'blue-coloured-circle' icon on your phone, I will breathe, and patiently tell you again (and try my hardest to not my fear let show)
     Because now I am your strong Papa.

Your grown-up daughter.

P.S.- I wish you never read this. We both will be a teary mess. ;)

Monday, March 14, 2016

This too shall pass

Do you remember that time,
when you wanted to chuck everything and run away?
The problem seemed so huge,
you felt your shoulders would give away.

That sickening feeling in your tummy,
the hair standing on your nape,
your hands getting clammy,
your thoughts all murky?

The moment,
before stepping in for your first interview,
before entering the gym the first time,
before jumping in the pool without the float

"All eyes on me"
"What if I screw this?"
"What if they laugh at me?"
"What if drown?"

"Wait... What's the worse that could happen to me?"
And you dive.

As you hit the water head on,
the splash breaks your fear in a million pieces,
with every push and stroke,
you reach closer to the goal.
Nothing can stop you now!

As you step out of the interview
head held high;
After a gruelling gym session
with feel-good body ache,
turning around and
seeing the length you've swum,
It was all worth it.

Like then,
Like everytime,

This too shall pass.
You shall conquer it all.