The year 2012 went by so fast. Its really a blur because I went through so many transitions. I've never had so many changes in one year itself. So many habits were broken, so many new ones took over. There were some honeyed-sweet moments, and many bitter ones too. I fell, bruised myself, and I got up to receive some more. I got many of those small moments which I describe as warm and golden, like the sun's rays from a gap-moments which I really enjoy cherishing, because it keeps me going.
So I thought I'll note them down- the good and the bad. To read them many years from now- to laugh at my silliness, cry at my pain, wonder with huge eyes at my awesome wit and also shake head at my downright stupidity!
Some Memories of 2012
1. I overcame my fear and enrolled myself in swimming classes. The fear wasn't against water- I knew swimming from before because I had learned it from the same place twice in childhood. The fear was against the instructor. Before you laugh at a 19 year old getting scared of a swimming instructor, let me tell you that the instructor is a no-nonsense guy. He won't listen to your wails of getting tired after 4 rounds of the pool, water going in your nose and not being able to breathe, getting a tummy ache. Cry and he'll send a slap of water right on your face or he'll dump your head in the water. Fortunately I never received either of it. Looking at others getting punished is enough to set me straight. For years I've been meaning to get into that class, but my fear kept me from it. So I buckled up and went for it. And you know what? It turned to be best thing ever!
Being in the water is so fun! And now I can swim effortlessly too.. I can just glide.. Its a wonderful feeling.
I also won 2 silver medals. There were just 3 other girls in the competition. But hey a win is a win! :)
2. I had to change my college of 4 years. Because I didn't get a seat in TY Psychology. I can be defensive and say there was alot of competition, but that is just partially true. Honestly I didn't study properly. I lazed around the year and got serious only the last month. So even if I was God, I wouldn't have given the seat to me because frankly I really didn't deserve.
The consequence was terrible. Ruia had become a homely place- a habit and old habits to do die hard. I missed out my final year there. And that pains terribly. I didn't get to be a senior, the joy of walking around as if you own the place, looking down at newbies.. But most of all I missed my best friend there. 4 years with a person, and you know each small habit, predict their next movement. We were supposed to pass out together. But life turned upside down.
Now I take a train from starting to the end station. Getting a seat in the train became absolutely important for the 1 hour journey ahead. A new station to walk from in the morning. New people, different people. And I am scared of talking to new people. I stutter, I fumble, shy away from new crowd. Fortunately I had another best friend of 4 years with me. How drastically different everything would've been without her! Slowly I made new friends, not for life though, but friends who I'll be with this year.
A good thing is that I got really good teachers. One of whom I'll remember for the rest of my life. She's kind and has an enigma to her.
I will never be able to call KC my own college, because I haven't spent a chunk of my life here. And Ruia is now not my college too. I lie between.
3. I fell in love, twice, with the same guy. Maybe I never recovered from the first time I fell for him. The feeling was mutual at first, then he grew out of it. Fights and many fights ending up in me tearing down was the final straw. Its been 6 months since I talked to him. Some days I've moved on, but then there are also times when I pray dearly to bring him back to me. Its hard to find a new person to love, because you've grown used to one person. I still can't see him as the bad guy, despite my friends screaming it at me. As a person he's really kind, but what's irritating is that he won't show. I really miss the times we had fun. I can vividly remember the 2 consecutive and the only days when I saw him in flesh. It brings a smile on my face when I think of that first time we met.
I can't even talk to him because in my anger I deleted him from my contacts in phone and all I remember is 4 digits of his number. Sitting idly I do try to rack the rest of them. You'd ask why can't he call you.. But I know he's not a person who calls (one of the many things we fought about).
As desperate as I may sound, yes, I miss him.
4. My friends grew apart. Now we are all in different directions, only 2 of us together. Fights over here too. Its tough to set up a plan to meet when you have 7 people with different free time slots and one of them
(me) having a phone which doesn't support Whatsapp. Miscommunication, No communication, forgetting- resulting in more fights. Not that we never fought before. But this year we fought like stupid kids on small reasons. But yeah when we meet a friendly poke or a chammat sets everything right.
