This morning I said to myself "I would have a happy day".. Nothing happened in the afternoon. But if I count the 2 Vampire Diaries Episodes that I watched, yeah, it was fun. Did nothing out of schedule like all past days of this week.
In the evening, I went down for a walk taking my ear-phones with me at around 8:30.. I took one round around the building and the familiar sense of something being there in the dark lawn scared me. (I watch and read alot of fiction which adds to my already over-imaginative mind, which in turn cooks up even more fictitious stories). So lately its Vampire Diaries which I 've been following intently. It has all the suspense and thrills- with the sudden dha-dham music booming in your ears through your ear-phones when Damon Salvatore jumps down on unsuspecting, pretty girls!- and then they show his full face on screen (again with dha-dham music making u jump in your seat) eyes red, with his face going black, blood of stupid girls on his mouth.. yeah all of that! So I'm walking, with music in my ears (Linkin Park :) ) and I hear scurrying or something in garden. (even with loud music in my ears) and I run away from there. Next round I again come back to the place, walking warily, looking in the garden hoping I don't see some person in white or black (Though it would be interesting if someone in bright orange was there under the dead Mango tree.. Nah it would still scare the hell out of me!). The third round I decide to go in. (Risky.. ooooohhh!). So I go in and sit on this bench and comfort myself saying "Be Strong. Fight your fear" I close my eyes as even more challenge (because closing eyes will create images of Ghosts, or Vampires. Its not that I wouldn't love to see Ian Somerhalder aka Damon.. But not in such a dark place.). I open my eyes and after a while I'm at ease. Sitting comfortably. Then I put even more difficult task ahead of me- to walk in the garden itself, bare feet! (And let me tell you the left side of the garden from where i sat, there's dense grass there, so more the spook (if there is such a word as spook. I think there is .....)) Anyway I'm trying to get up, but can't. But then the song 'The Messenger' which I'm listening comes to the line 'your instincts telling you to run.. Listen to your heart..' which is when i stand up quick.. I walk, slowly towards the left, very cautious, stopping after every small step thinking something moved (and my mind at that moment gives me knowledge of creatures like snakes, frogs, poisonous things living in grass) But I walk. Then I see a grass hopper and shriek and turn around and walk fast to the other side.. This side has sparse grass so no problem. By now I have some confidence and I go back to the left side again.. At last I reach the end, and I touch the last bench with my foot. i'm happy by this time. I know its a Nothing. Nothing worth feeling proud of. But its a huge thing for me, to take one step to conquering my fear of the dark, the unknown. I was so happy that I laughed out loud. And smiled. My smile must've crossed the boundaries of eyes too.. I was proud of myself.
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Another thing I did was to take the decision that I'll take up Psychology next year. I was in this dilemma of choosing Psycho or English Literature. Psychology it is. Coz it will take me beyond national boundaries, help me (mostly) realize my many many dreams (including of meeting my soul-mate. I know its too much romantic fiction :D ).
Psychology it is. Now I have to study too much for the next sem. coz the first one was horrible. Tough job ahead. I hope I don't quit. Or change my mind.
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I went ahead and brought a small Parle-G pack for the two puppies in my building. On the way back I saw a one stray searching for food. Lucky boy got 2 biscuits :).Now the puppies back home were so happy, and so hungry too... the gobbled up the biscuits so fast.. and then they were all over me, jumping. Fighting the other when it got a pet from me.. Cute things. I don't know why but there's something about dogs. They make you feel good about yourself. Like You are something in this world. And they have such beautiful eyes.
I had to scold them to let me go. :)
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Its wonderful how God made this world. I mean so ingenious of putting water in a hard coconut. Who would've thought that? Not me!
That makes you Awesome! Love you!
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So what I learned today?
1. Take Risks, small, one step at a time. It'll help you grow, banish your fear, make you feel good about yourself.
2. Think about the other being on this earth.
3. Take time and appreciate the natural things. Even if they are normal in your life.
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I should stop believing that wishing my happiness will bring bad consequences. I deserve to be happy. I do! I do! I do!
*****
Well that's it. I know I've written after a long time. This lengthy thing makes up for it I guess.
And Thanks to an FB frnd who read my blog, said he got inspired to make up his own! Awesome. And thank you for reminding me unconsciously that I have a blog which I should update! :)
Cheers!
Live and Let Live!
